It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year! (or Not)

(by Charissa Durst, originally posted December 23, 2011)

A Counter Argument in Five Points,
or Why I Hate the Holiday Season
By Donut, one of the HDC beagles

*Donut wearing bells and her “Merry Christmas or Whatever” expression.*

I hate Christmas! I know, that’s a terrible thought since my Humans and most everyone else at HDC seem to really like it. This is my seventh Christmas, and each one is worse than the last. First of all, what’s with the costumes with bells? Especially the hats—I really hate hats! And then my Humans keep flashing lights at me and clicking at me with little metal boxes. Second, who keeps moving the furniture around? This year, my couch got moved to the other side of the room for a fake tree! Can you believe that?! I have to be ambidextrous to get on this thing now!

Third, what’s with all these deliveries! I’m barking myself hoarse keeping track of all the strange boxes that come through the door, and it happens at both my home and the office. And fourth, get this, they make me sit with some strange bearded guy in a red suit! I really don’t understand that.

He seems like a nice guy, but why does everyone want to sit on his lap?

And finally, do they really need to keep playing the same music over and over again? Okay, lots of humans have this issue, too, so I know I’m not alone. But there’s one song my Humans turn up really loud, and it seems to be on TV quite a bit, too. I’ve heard it so often I’ve put my own sentiments into it:

It’s the most miserable time of the year.
With the kids next door yelling,
and everyone telling you,
“Get out of here!”
It’s the most miserable time of the year!There’ll be couches for dragging,
and boxing and bagging,
Getting tossed in the snow!
There’ll be crates being loaded and
tales of being scolded from Christmases
long, long ago.It’s the most miserable time of the year.
I’ll be diving for cover
with trees tipping over
and so much to fear!
Oh, it’s the most miserable time of the year!